Going Back

One day (soon I hope) I will write more fully about last fall's dramatic events which included the birth of my second daughter. But for now I will just say that since September, I have existed in another plane of existence. In some ways it was just a really fucked up babymoon. Instead of quiet, lazy days spent nursing my new born, cuddling and getting to know her, I went daily to visit her in the NICU and spent hours of my time not with her pumping milk. This was my experience with her for the first 7 weeks of her life.

And now she is home with us. She is well. She is beautiful. She is growing. She was a gift too easily given and I sometimes wait for the other shoe to drop. Because despite weighing less than 2 lbs at birth at 28 weeks, she has had zero complications. Her biggest hurdle has just been to GROW!! (This week we made it to 10lbs 6oz!)

I have now had lots of time (and then some) to be home with her (it's been nearly 4 months since she came home) but now the party's over. It's time to return to life as a working mama. Monday I go back to providing services to victims of sexual and physical assault, which is work I love. But the clinical hat feels a little clunky right now. My emotions over all that transpired are still a little raw at times and I hope I can get back to the part of me that remembers how to do basic crisis counseling (without also needing crisis counseling!)

I know life returning to "normal" after all we experienced is a good thing, but it feels a little shaky.